OMG! Did I Make the Right Decision?!
New marriages are typically followed by a honeymoon. By definition, this is a combination of a special trip for the newlyweds and a brief time following their return to reality. Once that period ends, regret can sometimes hit the heart of one or both partners. Which regret(s) you may experience depends on your past experiences and previous relationship commitments. A few “day after regrets” might be:
- “Will it work out this time” angst about finances, parenting, in-law’s, visitation arrangements, and working out family traditions
- “Single life” blues happen for those who really enjoyed the freedom of coming and going without someone else knowing
- “Did I really find my soul mate?” Doubt can be a real problem when not openly addressed
- “We just sit around now” occurs when the passion of a romantic wedding hits real-life responsibility
What Fixes These Post-Wedding Day Regrets?
A face-to-face conversation needs to be a priority. The ingredients to effective communication include talking honestly and caringly plus active listening without thinking about what to say (because that’s just being defensive).
If you and your spouse want a life-long, satisfying marriage and are both willing to work at it, here are a few extra tips to put your relationship on that path. Remember, it takes both of you to invest in marital success.
- Honesty. Openness. Willingness. Consideration. Care. Keep these words in mind every day.
- Quality + Quantity Time. A “Q-Tee Cup” filled with ideas of how to spend weekly quality time together may be a solution for you. Make the first event filling your cup.
- Focus on thinking of 5 words of appreciation to 1 expressed concern per day. Positive thinking and taking stock of your blessings is critical.
- Ensuring you practice weekly sharing and caring time as a couple is a must.
- Respond — don’t react when discussing important topics.
- Stop Assuming. If you don’t know, ask. Talk it out. Here is a quick test to see just how much assuming you do:
a. Pick a word (like apple or discipline)
b. Individually write the definition you learned as a child.
c. Share it with your spouse.
d. What did you discover?
e. Determine a joined definition based on the similarities and differences.
- Feedback Formula. (Keep tip #1 in mind)
a. Say something affirming or appreciative.
b. Share your concern without judgment using behavior words.
c. Say something positive.
While marriage is likely a natural ebb of peaks and valleys, regret should not make a home in your head. There are no quick fixes but that doesn’t mean the feeling is permanent. “Quick fixes” are actually daily efforts of investment in your new relationship. Invest in you and your spouse every day with acts of love, care, and consideration.
Here to Help
Counseling can strengthen your marriage in ways that build upon your own efforts. Our therapists specialize in helping couples work through issues and developing happier, healthier relationships. Sometimes you just need guidance and we can provide it. Contact Maison Vie New Orleans Therapy and Counseling for more information.