Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
‘Tis the season to be jolly.
Fa-la-la-let-me-go-home-and-crawl-into-bed-for-a-month!
The holiday season is a time of year that’s joyful, jolly, and filled with jubilant gatherings… at least, that’s the idea. As often happens in life, ideas tend to not fully align with reality.
Being the best version of you can be tough at any time of year, but it can be especially difficult during the pressure-filled holiday season.
While the holidays may be heavenly for some people, many others find themselves feeling stuck in a purgatory-like place, wedged firmly between the seasonal cheer and stress unsure how to break free. This kind of feeling can easily extend throughout the year, not just during the holidays. It just tends to be more prevalent during this high-pressure time.
How can the best version of you be present if your stressed-out mind is being pulled in a thousand other directions?!?
Holiday Stress typically comes from feeling overwhelmed by more to-dos and less time, making daily life tasks even more difficult including rest and recuperation. In South Louisiana, this experience extends all the way through the Carnival season. There’s always something on the calendar pulling us one way or another.
Overextending ourselves can be a strain on well-being and may result in burnout for introverts and extroverts alike.
How do we enjoy our time together and make it quality time while not feeling exhausted?
The answer begs us to reflect on the priorities of living. By definition, a priority is something that is important. We have many essential parts in our lives that need prioritizing, like family, friends, work, faith/spirituality, retirement, health, and more. The list can be endless, and often is. Each one requires your most valued resources – energy and time.
Sociologists and economists have determined four categories to assist you in prioritizing your life.
A sense of hope, accomplishment, and healthy esteem is the result of identifying which task goes in which category and then working on each task.
With so much going on, how do I determine what task is in which category?
Balancing the realities of your life, your needs, and your values can get you on the right track. So, I ask you to consider a few questions:
- What is within your budget?
Budget is about money, and it is about health. Our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual energy levels are the main topics to consider. We can look in our bank accounts and determine if money is available to spend. Consider the same concept for these other energy levels as bank accounts, too. Are you overdrawn? Are you budgeting your energies wisely? - What are the absolute needs of your current reality?
Abraham Maslow, the creator of the well-known Hierarchy of Needs, can assist you with prioritizing. We must address our physical needs first – food, water, and shelter. Safety and security are our next “must” need. In fact, most people could argue that these two needs are tied for first place because they are in the “important and urgent” category. The psychological needs can be found in the “important and not urgent” category. We need intimate relationships, friends, and feeling accomplished to be emotionally available, but not to be physically alive. Finally, self-fulfillment needs fall in the remaining two categories as they are not important for survival, yet important for living long, happier, lives.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is often portrayed in the shape of a pyramid, with the largest, most fundamental needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization and transcendence at the top. In other words, the idea is that individuals’ most basic needs must be met before they become motivated to achieve higher-level needs. - How are your must haves, needs, and wants different?
We tend to use these three words interchangeably when they are definitely different. The holidays are about celebrating with special meals, spending additional funds on gifts and clothing, and spending more time socializing. Are these behaviors that we must do? Is there another way of joining in with the traditions while not worrying about the effect it will have on your resources? - What does your body need to be engaged in each day?
Determining a caring plan that will meet your wants while engaging with the joy of the holidays means including time to prepare for and recuperate after the festivities. Start now by initiating a simple, self-care plan.a. Eat balanced nutritious meals each day.
b. Engage in a few minutes of physical activity, like walking, stretching, or playing with the children.
c. Spend a few minutes outdoors, especially when the sun is out. Vitamin D from the sun is good for physical and mental well-being.
d. Call a friend or a loving family member for a brief chat.
e. Decrease your social media scrolling as that drains mental energy quickly. - How can you be more mindful of pausing between activities?
A very important self-care tool that is excellent for brain health is to be single-task focused. Take a small break (e.g., stand up and stretch or stop to listen to the birds), then do the next task. You will experience better focus and recall. - Who is in your social network?
In the 12 Step program, the phrase “Stick with the winners” is used to help newcomers make better relationship choices. The same is true in life for people not working on sobriety. The “winners” are people who care about us, and we care about them. - What traditions match your values?
Holidays are filled with simple to extravagant rituals. Some are faith-based, some are based on our family roots, and others grew through various environmental events (like the birth of a first grandchild or a pandemic). Prioritizing who you spend time with means actively choosing what value matters most. Kindness and consideration? Showing up to avoid conflict? Playfulness? Or a ‘let’s just get this over” attitude? Identify what is most important then decide. - Is it time for you to contact a mental health professional?
If reading through this list of reflective questions leaves you more overwhelmed than before you started, then seek professional support. Counselors are trained in identifying values and needs as each interacts with the realities of your life so that you can make the best “good fit” decision for you. Please take note that you may not need to address every reflective question. You may be doing well with some aspects and not attending to others. Pick what is necessary for you and leave the rest.
What can you do to help lower your risk of emotional exhaustion or burnout?
We have another tradition – New Year’s resolutions – that enter our thoughts once the holidays transition into a new year. I would like to reframe this tradition as growing into the best version of you. ‘Growing into’ means living is a journey filled with learning. Each moment in each day is an opportunity to reflect and determine what is there to teach you more. When life is viewed through this reframed lens, burnout is much less likely to occur. Here is a list of suggestions to guide you toward ‘growing into’ as we approach the turn of the year.
- Determine your unique pace
This is your life and no one else’s. You don’t have to nor need to compete with others. Do what is comfortable for you and live your life at your own pace. - Set flexible goals
Be kind to yourself and those around you when you identify a goal. From the perspective of Alfred Adler, a psychiatrist who lived in Austria, perfection is about completion. The Benefits of Flexible Goal Setting. - A decision is not your identity; it is a behavior of choice
Success and failure are not good and bad; they are the next step in the process. Identity is who you are, not what you do, just like you are not what your profession is. ‘Who Am I?’ How to Find Your Sense of Self. - Take a moment to just breathe
The phrases “Wake up and smell the coffee” and “Stop to smell the roses” have the same valuable message. They both tell us to take notice of life’s amazement. Slow down now before it’s too late. - Take a moment of quiet time before sleep/bedtime
Another way to improve brain health is a quiet few minutes before you retire each day. Pick one (just sitting, saying an intentional prayer, listening to the outside world) or determine your own. 11 Relaxing Activities to Try Before Bed. - Take an opportunity to do an act of kindness
The one act that has been shown to have the most positive effect on our emotional well-being is to be kind to someone once a day without any agenda or want for acknowledgment. Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness. - Walk with a neighbor
A stroll with a friend is a simple way to be outdoors, get a little exercise, and experience a moment of social activity. Individually, they are great practices. When joined, you are taking a giant step at building resilience. - Only eat what you need to eat
Keep in mind that must-haves, needs, and wants are quite different. Make efforts at thinking ahead about what nutrition could look like for your day, as well as physical and emotional expectations, to help you plan accordingly. Make a Plan / Eat This Much. - Be considerate of yourself and the other person(s)
Happiness isn’t just a personal experience, it is actually affected by the individuals around you. You perceive what the people around you perceive and vice versa. Whereas the ‘pay it forward’ movement has highlighted how one positive action spreads smiles and consideration continuously. Which world do you need to live in? 50 Easy Ways to Pay It Forward. - Say “thanks” often
Building a culture of appreciation in your daily life is one of the key attitudes to living a happier, healthier life. - Lessen sweets, starches, and fats, and lower caffeinated intake
Your nutritional intake has a direct impact on your mental focus and emotional energy. The more sweets, starches, and fats you eat, the more caffeine your body grows to need to keep up with demand. But, if you slowly lessen how much of these foods you digest, you will experience improved sleep, better focus, and happier relationships. 7 Foods That Drain Your Energy. - Cuddle more
An apple a day may keep the doctor away; a hug a day keeps the joy in your day. Hugs bring on the release of oxytocin, a positive stress hormone. Life is better with hugs. The Benefits of Hugging.
Do not overwhelm yourself with having to do all these suggestions. Pick one, and try it out for a while. Keep it or switch it for another. Identify a combination that will be a “good fit” for you.
I also want to clarify that this blog focused on the holidays as a time to reflect and consider “growing into” the better version of you. Growth happens best when you are ready. Mental health therapists have a unique tool in their kit called Stages of Change which can help nudge you forward to the change you want or need. So, if you feel you need guidance, reach out to a professional when the time is right.
What else should you know about how to be the best version of you?
Watch family and marriage therapist Susan Harrington, founder of Maison Vie, discuss how to treat yourself right through intentional prioritization and find the true, happy you. You can also contact Maison Vie to see how Susan can help guide you through counseling sessions.
