Learn how to spot subtle red flags, take safe next steps, and understand when it’s time to seek help. Caring should never feel like control.
Susan Harrington, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Maison Vie Therapy & Counseling, joins KLFY-TV CBS to discuss how domestic violence often begins with subtle red flags that are easy to overlook.
She explains what unhealthy relationship behaviors can look like, why early awareness is key to preventing harm, and how therapy can help individuals build safer, more supportive connections rooted in respect and trust.
Most relationships begin with excitement and connection. You feel seen, valued, and maybe a little swept off your feet. But sometimes, what starts as caring attention can shift into something more controlling or harmful. The early signs of domestic violence are often quiet and easy to miss, especially when you’re emotionally invested. Recognizing them early can make all the difference in staying safe and building relationships that truly support your well-being.
1. How do you know if your relationship could be considered domestic violence?
According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence includes rape, physical harm, and stalking by an intimate partner.
However, microaggressions, or early signs of DV show up in much more subtle ways, such as gaslighting or constant calling, texting, emailing, or posting online.
Remember: Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects people of all genders and ages, and while it can happen in the workplace, this article focuses on intimate relationships — the kind that should feel safe, not stressful.
2. What behaviors might signal that a relationship could become violent?
When love is new, it’s easy to miss warning signs through rose-colored glasses. Our brains release feel-good hormones that make us overlook or excuse concerning behavior.
If you notice patterns of intensity, manipulation, guilting, possessiveness, or isolation, it’s time to pause and reflect.
Ask yourself:
- Does my partner pressure me after I’ve said “no”?
- Do I feel guilty for wanting time alone or with friends?
- Do they decide who I can spend time with?
These behaviors can start small but grow more controlling over time.
Take a look at the 10 Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors and talk with someone you trust if anything feels off.
3. What should you do if these behaviors are happening?
If harm or abuse has occurred, go somewhere safe — preferably a location your partner does not know. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 and can connect you to local shelters and help you plan next steps.
If violence is not occurring but conflict feels heated or hurtful, consider couples therapy. Therapists trained in the Gottman Method can help partners learn to communicate safely, argue fairly, and rebuild trust. The earlier you reach out, the better the outcome often is.
Because love should lift you up, not make you afraid to answer your phone.
Your Next Step
Recognizing early warning signs is an important act of self-care. Just as you’d see a doctor for physical pain, caring for your emotional safety starts with reaching out for professional support. A licensed therapist can help you understand what’s happening, rebuild trust in yourself, and create a plan for healthier connections.
If you’ve noticed controlling or hurtful behaviors in a relationship — or if you simply feel uncertain about what’s healthy — you don’t have to sort it out alone. Contact Maison Vie to take the first step toward clarity, safety, and genuine emotional healing.
